Being self-entertained vs. seeking validation

Being self-entertained vs. seeking validation, what’s the difference? One is a path to happiness the other is a path to misery and neediness.

Becoming self-entertained is one of the greatest achievements you can ever have in life. If you’re self-entertained you’ll never be bored because you don’t need external factors for your amusement, you’re able to self generate positive emotions, thoughts, and actions. If you can self generate positive emotions you are less susceptible to other people and the surrounding environments bringing your sense of state down.

Think about it if you are outcome dependent and need someone to validate what your saying and doing, every time you don’t get the validation it brings your state down because you didn’t get the validation you need. This usually ends with you becoming needy because you keep trying things to get the validation, and in the process of doing so you will most likely turn the person off and make them want to get away from you as soon as possible, because no one likes a social leech.

Being a social leech is not the best way to live your life. Being a social leech is not ideal because when you leech your emotions off other people your happiness depends on them, they control when you are happy or not, that’s a horrible way to live! Whereas you could self generate the positive emotions and entertain your self, which would lead to a more happy life because even if the person your speaking to doesn’t like or agree with what you said or did it doesn’t matter because you didn’t do it for them you did it for you!

Don’t do or say things to get a reaction out of people do it for your self, do it because it will make you happy, do it because you actually enjoy it, this will give you an abundance of happiness and joy in your life that no one can take from you. So to sum up unless you want to lead a miserable pitiful existence where other people have control over your emotions DO NOT SEEK VALIDATION! Seeking validation will not bring you happiness. Being a self-entertained person will always leave you with an abundance of positive emotion that will lead to a more enjoyable happy life.

That’s it for this weeks blog thanks for tuning in, if you have any questions leave a comment or message me at socialacircle@gmail.com and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. If you haven’t seen last weeks blog on the attraction formula click the link below and enjoy!

Attraction formula

The Attraction Formula

(C-R)+Q+SE = Attraction

If you don’t know what breaking rapport or qualification is please refer to my blogs on those topics before reading this to make this blog easier to understand.

What is it?

What does (C-R)+Q+SE = Attraction mean? To break it down C is comfort, R is rapport, Q is Qualification, and SE is sexual escalation.  So when applying it to this model building comfort plus breaking rapport plus qualification equals the attraction between friends and people you want to network with and when you add sexual escalation in the mix it creates the attraction you need to seduce someone you want to be more than friends with.

Because this blog is a school project I will not be covering sexual escalation in this blog, however I will publish a blog on sexual escalation in January after this project is over so stay tuned in.

How do you use it?

When you first meet a person you need to build comfort with them, think about it when you’re with your friends you can say highly inappropriate things to them and they wont get mad but if you were to go up to them with out knowing them and say the same things it could end up with you getting into an altercation, well why is that? You can do this with your friends and not random strangers because they’re comfortable with you. Building comfort is crucial to building relationships because a person who isn’t comfortable being around you is not going to want to interact with you or see you again. To build comfort you need to build rapport with the person.

Once a sufficient amount of rapport is built its time to start breaking rapport. Building comfort is good but if your entire interaction is you building comfort it’ll end up being bland and not something to remember so break rapport to keep things interesting. While you’re building comfort you should be qualifying the person to see if they’re even worth spending time building comfort with. Also apposed to you trying to control the conversation and topics you speak about use qualification to find things the person actually wants to talk about. When you do this you don’t end up being the only one talking. A lot of the time when a person isn’t really being talkative the problem is that you’re not talking to them about things they are interested in so they don’t have much to respond with. If you ask them about something they’re interested in the person can talk for days about it because they know about it and they’re passionate about it, which will lead to a much better conversation. Doing all this with a person successfully should build attraction between you and that person unless through the qualification process you find out you don’t like each other.

I hope you've found this helpful, and if you have any questions please leave a comment and remember to subscribe for more content, thanks for your time and have a great day

Qualification

Qualification, what is it?

Qualification is assessing whether a person is a potential fit for a product or service you have. Qualifying is the act of assessing if something or someone is a proper fit for you. You can think of qualifying as a filtration process, you’re filtering out bad qualities you don’t want until your find a suitable match with the qualities you want.

How do you use it?

Everyone has qualifiers; you need to identify the qualifiers in people you want such as: the person does not have a negative personality, they have a sense of humor, they share similar values, they’re into yoga. Once you know what you're looking for you know what questions to ask, so instead of wasting a whole night or even worse getting into a relationship with someone that’s not suited for you for months or even years, you can reduce all of that time into minutes by simply asking qualifying questions in your first interaction with the person to determine whether or not you should invest your time in that person.

Why is it important?

Plain and simple if you do not qualify, you will not find what you are looking for!

If you don’t qualify people, your dating life will pretty much be a stab in the dark, always getting in and out of bad relationships or not even being able to form a relationship because you have no clue what you want! Think about it how can you get what you want if you don’t know what you’re looking for? And even if you do know what you’re looking for how can you find it if you don’t filter your interactions for the things that you’re looking for?

Example

Say for example a woman, who only likes attractive, wealthy guys that live a fast flashy lifestyle, and are only concerned about superficial things, wants a serious relationship and love. She is wondering why she is constantly cheated on and used by men, then left for the next girl. The reason why she is getting cheated on and used so frequently is because she isn’t qualifying for men that are looking for long term loving relationships, she’s qualifying the type of men who generally will cheat on women and not care because of the lifestyle they live and the values they hold. It’s not that all guys are dogs like some women like to say, it’s the guys that they pursue who are dogs, and if they would like to find a guy who wont cheat or abuse them they need to change they’re qualifiers.

Instead of only qualifying for who can buy her love she should be qualifying for who will build the love with no price tags attached, instead of only who is physically attractive, look for a combination of both aesthetics and inner beauty with more emphasis on inner rather than outer to name a few.  Now in a new scenario say it was a man trying to find the good loving relationship things he would qualify are the types of women to avoid such as gold diggers, players, spoiled brats, and party girls. You want to avoid these types of women because they usually have characteristic traits like being selfish, needy, insecure, and untrustworthy which make them undesirable girl friends.

I hope you’ve found this information helpful please comment rate and subscribe if you like it.

For more information on the 5 types of girls to stay away from check out the link below

http://www.manhelper.com/dating_sex/5_harmful_types_of_girls_you_should_never_date

You've got to Build Rapport!

Here's a video of infield footage and a break down by Adam lyons of why it is important to build rapport and not only ask questions.

Be the fun cool guy; don’t put her on a pedestal!

When you’re out in a social setting it’s important to remember to just be the fun cool guy.

Now what does that mean exactly?

It means just go out and have fun, be self-entertained, remaining detached from outcome, not drawing your sense of state and happiness from others around you, and not being affected negatively by external factors. 

What a lot of guys looking to pick up women tend to do when they go out is they forget the main reason they came out was to have fun, they instead get stuck in “PUA mode” and get caught up in trying to make everything work or get certain results. Consequently getting stuck in your head will usually ruin the interaction.

Remember when you’re going out, you are going out to have fun! You shouldn’t feel pressured to prove your self to the women or anyone else in your environment. When you’re in an interaction you should be coming from the frame of you just being a cool guy, having fun that’s just putting him self out there, and giving her a chance to indulge in the fun with you and prove if she’s good enough for you.

Where a lot of guys go wrong is they get so caught up in external beauty that they’ll do anything to get it and obsess over the girl, even though the girl is totally wrong for them. Thinking that they’re not enough or that she’s better then them they become needy; needing the interaction to go well, they start qualifying them self’s to her because they put her on a pedestal.

Guy’s remember no girl is better then you! Everyone on this planet is equal.  Think about it, most guys think or feel that she’s better because she’s “hot”; well think about this what’s going to happen 40 years from now when she’s old and ugly? The only thing that is going to be left is her true self. If she was a nice good person she will still be beautiful, if she on the other hand was a horrible scumbag that just so happened to be hot she’ll be looking real ugly when her external beauty is gone. So don’t put any girl on a pedestal, at the end of the day she’s just a girl, she isn’t better than you because of how she looks or what reproductive organs she has.

When your approaching women come from the buyer’s perspective not the sellers. You aren’t going up trying to sell your self to them, you’re using qualification to see if she’s worthy of being around you, now with this you need to know what you want in a women (not physical attributes!) so that you know what to qualify her on, and what requirements she needs to meet for you to deem her worthy of your time and effort. Remember when you first glance at someone you don’t know that person you don’t know their status or what their like; all you know is that you would or wouldn’t mind getting to know them and that they may or may not be physically attractive so don’t assume they are better than you, because that hot girl could easily be weirder, more insecure, and have a bigger list of issues than you.

If you've found this post to be helpful please leave a comment and subscribe; if you missed my last post click here to check it out, thanks for your time and have a great day.