You've got to Build Rapport!

Here's a video of infield footage and a break down by Adam lyons of why it is important to build rapport and not only ask questions.

Be the fun cool guy; don’t put her on a pedestal!

When you’re out in a social setting it’s important to remember to just be the fun cool guy.

Now what does that mean exactly?

It means just go out and have fun, be self-entertained, remaining detached from outcome, not drawing your sense of state and happiness from others around you, and not being affected negatively by external factors. 

What a lot of guys looking to pick up women tend to do when they go out is they forget the main reason they came out was to have fun, they instead get stuck in “PUA mode” and get caught up in trying to make everything work or get certain results. Consequently getting stuck in your head will usually ruin the interaction.

Remember when you’re going out, you are going out to have fun! You shouldn’t feel pressured to prove your self to the women or anyone else in your environment. When you’re in an interaction you should be coming from the frame of you just being a cool guy, having fun that’s just putting him self out there, and giving her a chance to indulge in the fun with you and prove if she’s good enough for you.

Where a lot of guys go wrong is they get so caught up in external beauty that they’ll do anything to get it and obsess over the girl, even though the girl is totally wrong for them. Thinking that they’re not enough or that she’s better then them they become needy; needing the interaction to go well, they start qualifying them self’s to her because they put her on a pedestal.

Guy’s remember no girl is better then you! Everyone on this planet is equal.  Think about it, most guys think or feel that she’s better because she’s “hot”; well think about this what’s going to happen 40 years from now when she’s old and ugly? The only thing that is going to be left is her true self. If she was a nice good person she will still be beautiful, if she on the other hand was a horrible scumbag that just so happened to be hot she’ll be looking real ugly when her external beauty is gone. So don’t put any girl on a pedestal, at the end of the day she’s just a girl, she isn’t better than you because of how she looks or what reproductive organs she has.

When your approaching women come from the buyer’s perspective not the sellers. You aren’t going up trying to sell your self to them, you’re using qualification to see if she’s worthy of being around you, now with this you need to know what you want in a women (not physical attributes!) so that you know what to qualify her on, and what requirements she needs to meet for you to deem her worthy of your time and effort. Remember when you first glance at someone you don’t know that person you don’t know their status or what their like; all you know is that you would or wouldn’t mind getting to know them and that they may or may not be physically attractive so don’t assume they are better than you, because that hot girl could easily be weirder, more insecure, and have a bigger list of issues than you.

If you've found this post to be helpful please leave a comment and subscribe; if you missed my last post click here to check it out, thanks for your time and have a great day.

Breaking Rapport & Pre Opening/opening multiple sets to Build Attraction Part 2

Pre Opening/opening multiple sets

Pre opening a lot of people in the venue early in the night is a very powerful way of setting up your night for success.

What is pre opening? Pre opening is opening a set that lasts less than 10 seconds, if you stay in the interaction more then 10 seconds you’re just doing a regular opener.

Pre opening can be as simple as using a functional opener to ask where the bathroom is, giving them a quick compliment, or sharing a fun or funny moment with the person then breaking rapport, if you break rapport with a person and leave a positive image of you in their head & it’ll be easier for you to approach them later.

What are the results of pre opening a set and the interaction going well? Hopefully they will remember you from earlier on and instead of thinking who is this random stranger trying to talk to me, they’ll remember the positive memory of you and they’ll most likely be warm and friendly towards you instead of being closed guarded and hostile.

Now how do you use this affectively to set your night up for success? Well when you go into a venue you’re usually not in the party state and you need to warm up to get in state; pre opening can be your warm up because it is low pressure and not a big deal. It doesn’t matter how good you are, if you aren’t in the social state, you haven’t talked to anyone in the venue and the first person you try to go up to is the “10” in the club, it is probably not going to go well for you. You’ll probably be to intimidated to do it and you’ll waste your night just standing in the corner trying to get your self to do it.  Then if you finally muster up the courage to approach you are most likely going to be feeling a lot of overwhelming anxiety and nervousness because you haven’t talked to anyone prior to going up to the most intimidating person in the venue, you’ll get stuck in your head instead of being present to the moment, and eventually end up getting blown out. Instead of approaching the most intimidating set in the club, you should just go around and pre open a bunch of people, it could be anybody, this will increase your social momentum with every approach and quickly get you in the social mood, it will also build your social proof because people will see you going around talking to women having fun, and by the time you finally get to the “10” approaching and talking to her will be nothing for you because you’ve been having fun talking to people all night.

Another way of using this is lining up interactions you want to have later on, for example say there are multiple women in the venue you’d like to get to know, instead of leaching on to one and following her around all night, not approaching anyone else hoping it’ll work out between the two of you, you can pre open them all in the beginning of the evening, give a reason for you guys to meet up later, then you can meet up later for the reason you told them. If you do that you have multiple sets who will most likely welcome you with open arms instead of judging stares which makes your life much easier.

Something that is crucial to remember that a lot of guys forget when they go out is that you can come back to a set that you’ve opened, you don’t need to stick around all night. Go out and have numerous interactions.

If your talking to a women earlier on in the night she might want to end the experience with you and do something else; it doesn’t always mean you did something wrong. Think about it people go threw a lot of hassles to get all dressed up and look their best when they come out, they don’t want to only chill with the first person they talk to or have only one experience, they want multiple good experiences throughout the night. That’s why it is important to know when to break rapport and to not get to upset if things are going good and she breaks rapport with you. It’s perfectly fine to break rapport and come back later, the women will most likely appreciate the fact that you don’t leach on to her and be more attracted to you because you going around talking to multiple women and having a good time with out her which builds your social proof because it shows you’re a man in demand that other women want.

Opening multiple sets in the night will help increase your chances of success. Say you’ve lined up your interactions using pre opening and now your going back to those sets trying to close; because you have multiple options to choose from, if during the interaction you find out you are not that interested in that person you can cut off the interaction and go to another one that way you don’t have to waste your time and effort on someone you have no interest in. Also if you get multiple contact details for example 10 if two numbers flake on you, you still have the other 8 so your night wasn’t the complete waste of time it would have been had you only interacted with one women that night.

To sum up pre opening is a great way to get into state quickly, build social momentum, build social proof, and line up interactions. Opening multiple sets increases your rate of success because you have more options, and breaking rapport at the right time is a way to make sure she wants to see you again apposed to running away when she see’s you again.

I hope you have found this information helpful; if you haven't read part 1 yet on breaking rapport click this as it has crucial information , please leave a comment I would love to hear your success stories and what you think, so subscribe and stay tuned in for more.

Breaking Rapport & Pre Opening/opening multiple sets to Build Attraction Part 1

Breaking Rapport

Building and breaking rapport can be a very powerful tool when building attraction. When you’re having a conversation with someone there are peaks and dull points in the interaction. What a lot of guys do is break rapport during the dull point of the conversation; but doing this will usually leave you with undesirable results.

Don’t break rapport during a dull moment or you will leave a dull negative memory of you in her head, you should instead break rapport during a high peak in the interaction. A lot of guys might be thinking why would you break rapport when it’s going good?

Well think about this, say for example someone gave you a piece of cake, and that piece of cake was the most delicious mouth watering slice of heaven you have ever tasted in you life; the very thought of that cake makes your mouth water, and you feel the same euphoric feeling you got when you first bit into it. Now imagine having them take back their cake and you have to sit there and watch them enjoy eating it. In that scenario what is most likely to happen is you would crave more cake because it was so good but you didn’t get enough, and now you can’t wait for the chance to taste it again. You might even go out of your way to try and get some more.

Well when you break rapport with a woman at a high point in the interaction the same thing happens, she is left with a good, fun, positive image of you and when the person remembers you, they remember experiencing the fun positive emotions that they want to feel. Braking rapport at a high point will leave her wanting more of what she can’t have and hopefully thinking of getting some more.  This will also demonstrate high value to the girl, it shows her that she isn’t the center of your world and you wont just drop everything you where doing to be with her all night like every other guy. Your time is valuable and limited; this is reflected by your need to go because you have your prior engagements you have to attend to, or you needing get back to your friends, what ever reason you come up with for breaking rapport. Your not worried that you wont see her again so your not nervous about breaking this interaction and going around having other ones, allowing her to do the same because you’re a cool confident guy, which are things women are attracted to.

So remember when you’re talking to women at a venue its ok to walk away and have other interactions, don’t be the annoying guy who follows her around all night until she can’t stand you and is looking for excuses to get away from you, or leave at a dull point. Break rapport when it is going good say something like “ You know what, I’m being really rude to my friends I should really get back to them, so lets exchange contact info because I really want to continue this conversation with you later” then give her a hug and get back to your friends or go open a new set.

I hope you’ve enjoyed part one of this two part blog on breaking rapport and have found it helpful, stay tuned in for part two on pre opening as it will have information that will add on to what you learned in this post and give you insights on how to enhance those skills and have a great night out.